The Story of Captain Katherine Obvious: The Fish
by bubblegum days
Summary: Beck's car was stolen on a neutral April morning, but he seemed to be more concerned with buying a fish.  Also, Andre has a motorcycle, and everybody hates on Trina. / beck/jade


**A/N: **So I tried to do this up in the style of an actual episode, complete with ship teasing, Trina hate, and possibly adult references. But really, I just wanted to write a cute story where Tori named one of Beck's fish, and it ended up being this. Have I mentioned how much I love Andre/Beck friendship? And Beck having possibly insane moments? And Jade hating on everything that exists? Really, this is just a piece of fluff. Oh, and the receipt? It was for groceries and Tori doesn't share Beck and Jade's taste in food. Of _course. _

It started like this:

Beck Oliver's car was stolen on a neutral April morning. He was strolling out of a convenience store, carrying a plastic bag filled with junk food, and did not see his car anywhere. He even pressed the little button the keys that would make it beep, which was stupid because the parking lot only had ten spaces in it and his car clearly was _not _parked in any of them. And as to be expected, no sound met his ears.

He sighed and leaned against the store's window, bending a knee and placing one foot behind him. He ran a hand through his hair and gazed out into the near-empty parking lot, simply not believing that his car was stolen. His first coherent thought was, _Jade's going to be angry._

Which was most likely true, seeing as Jade lacked a car and Beck was pretty much her transportation everywhere because it was either Beck or the city bus, and Jade thought the city bus was crawling with serial killing child molesters who were going to mug her after she caught some deadly disease by even stepping foot on the bus. Meanwhile, Beck was her boyfriend who had abs to die for and a car with top-of-the-line speakers and an excellent heating-and-air system. He was clearly the preferable alternative.

His second thought was: _André better pick up his phone, _as Beck was now finding André's contact in his phone, and then jamming the TALK button. André, luckily, picked up on the third ring.

"What's up, Beck?" André asked, sounding puzzled. Which is not unusual, because like most teenagers, they text instead of talk.

"My car was stolen," Beck stated, simply. "I'm in the parking lot of that convenience store that's next to that psychic's house."

"So do you want me to pick you up or something? 'Cause I can, but you have to ask." Beck could just sense André grinning something wicked.

"Will you, oh dearest André, pick me, oh weakest Beck, up?" Beck sighed, rolling his eyes. Really, he didn't know why he's rolling his eyes, because André clearly couldn't see him.

"Yeah, sure, Beck. Tori's going to tag along. That cool?"

"Why wouldn't it be cool? Tori's cool," Beck replied. "See you in a bit."

He hung up and then called Jade, because he had to have some way to entertain himself while waiting for André. Also, he thought that breaking the news to her over the phone will result in less of his physical pain.

Jade picked up on the first ring, unsurprisingly.

"Hey, Jade," Beck greeted, trying to keep his voice from sounding exasperated.

"Beck!" Jade screamed, and he winced. But in a loving sort of way.

"Yes, yes, that is my name." He didn't even try to stop himself from sighing this time, running his free hand through his hair. "Look, Jade, my car was stolen."

Jade groaned. "Did you see who did it? You know, so I can kill them. And drink their blood. Then I'll feed their intestines to my dog which I will buy so I can feed their intestines to it."

"No, it happened while I was in a convenience store. You know, the one next to the psychic's house-"

"Don't care," Jade cut him off. "I'm going to assume that you'll be getting a new car as soon as possible?"

"Of course," Beck replied. But he wasn't so sure. How was he going to pay for it? His parents specifically told him that they would buy his first car, but if he were to crash, set on fire, or hurt this car in a way that it could not be driven, he would have to buy his next one. Which, looking back on it, made Beck to believe that they didn't have a lot of faith in him. Whatever.

"Good, because I have places I need to be. Goodbye, Beck," Jade said, and she hung up the phone before he even got the chance to say _later, Jade, I love you._

He squatted on the pavement and searched around in the plastic bag for something to eat, but most of what he bought was what Jade liked. He finally found a candy bar that was less candy and more nuts, and began to thoughtfully chew it. Car theft was a crime. Surely he should call 911 and report it right now. The license plate number would be all they would need. But, for some reason, he just didn't have the energy to do it.

André, luckily, arrived in the next five minutes-on a motorcycle. With Tori on the back. And a _sidecar_.

"What happened to your convertible?" Beck asked, gripping the plastic bag and standing up, walking over to the parking space. Tori climbs off the motorcycle and helps him put the bag in the back, giving him a black motorcycle jacket.

"My grandma made me give the convertible away because it freaked her out," André explained, sighing and shaking his head.

"So you bought a motorcycle?" Beck asked, giving it a doubtful look.

André shrugged and said, "_I _bought the motorcycle. _She _bought a station wagon." Meanwhile, Tori climbed onto the motorcycle again.

"Wait a second. Do you expect me to ride in your sidecar?" Beck glanced at the puny little thing, and imagined about a huge truck ramming into him and making him nothing but a smear on the intricate pipe work of the motorcycle.

"Well, I'm not. And Tori's a girl, so she gets backseat privileges."

Tori smirked. "If you don't like it, I could always call Trina. She has a car, and she'd be more than happy to drive _you _home."

Beck and André both shuddered, although Beck did it viciously while André only vibrated a little. Tori wrapped her arms around André's middle while Beck reluctantly climbed into the sidecar and pulls on his helmet, hoping that the sheer badassery of the helmet combined with how great he looked in it offset the fact that he's riding in a _sidecar. _

Before André had a chance to take off, Beck threw out the suggestion that they go to the pet store. Nobody replied to his suggestion, but in five minutes, they were at the conveniently close pet store. Actually, there had been a lot of convenience today for Beck, if you could overlook the fact that, you know, his car was stolen.

Beck climbed out of the sidecar while André turned off the motorcycle and Tori unwrapped her arms from around André. She started to poke fun at Beck because of the sidecar, but André interrupted them by saying, "Beck, why are we at a pet store?"

"I think you should start asking questions about the destination before actually arriving _at _the destination," Beck stated, smirking. "But you'll find out."

And so they entered the pet store, with Tori walking in between the two and complaining about something Trina had done earlier in the day, prompting a few appropriate laughs and even more shudders.

"I'll never forgive her for that fish-feet incident," André said , shaking his head, as they walk into the store.

They followed Beck, who instantly veered off into the fish section, and began to observe all the fish swimming around in their tanks. André and Tori exchanged glances and shrugs, then went off to look a the fish tanks themselves. They each were pondering why Beck seemed more concerned with the fish than with the fact that his car was just stolen.

"Hey, this one looks like Cat," Tori called, pointing out a fish that whose scales were the exact same color as Cat's hair.

"Well, then . . . I guess you could call it a _catfish,_"André joked, walking over to see the fish that resembled cat. "Hey, where was Little Red on Friday, anyway?"

"Oh, she was visiting her uncle and uncle," Tori said off-handedly. André raised his eyebrows and nods, accepting this as a valid reason to miss school.

While they were talking, Beck seemed to had move away to the prepackaged beta fish. He watched them swim around in their already-there bowls, frowning until he found a mostly black-with-some-purple one and declared, loudly, "A-ha! I have found you, sir fish! You are unable to hide from me!" like a relatively insane person.

André and Tori walked towards Beck, who was about ten feet away, standing at the end of an isle and now picking up the small fishbowl. He proceeded to walk through the store, cradling the fishbowl in his hands like it held the secret to life. André and Tori caught up to him in line for the cashier.

"Um, Beck, man, why exactly are you buying a beta fish that may not make it through the ride home?" André asked him, peering into the fish bowl. "It doesn't look that strong. Look at the fish, all swimmin' unexpectedly in that bowl. You're not gonna live very long, are you, little fishy?"

"And why did you have to pick the fish with the most depressing color scheme? It looks like a victim of an oil spill," Tori complained, joining André in peering into the fish bowl.

"Is my fish not good enough for you?" Beck asked them, as the cashier rang him up. He dug into his pockets and found the appropriate amount of cash to give to the cashier and stuffed the change back into his pocket. He then picked the fish back and up and smiled at it, watching it swim around in its little bowl.

"No, the fish is fine," André said as they walked back to the motorcycle. "I just feel pretty sorry for it."

"Yeah," Tori agreed, as they climbed back onto the motorcycle and Beck climbed into the sidecar. He placed the fish in his lap and used his arms and thighs to hold the bowl in place while he covered the top of it with his hands.

"To your RV now?" André asked, starting up the motorcycle.

"Yes," Beck replied.

And they were off.

Surprisingly, the fish did indeed live through the motorcycle ride, with not a drop of water spilled from its precious bowl. Beck felt quite proud of himself as he walked up the stairs to his RV, followed by André and Tori, who he hadn't exactly invited in but it didn't matter anyway. Once inside, he placed the fish on his desk and turned to look at his friends.

"You owe me, man," André says, looking around. "Why don't me and Tori stay here for a while and watch some movies on your fancy new television?"

Beck looked at the television in question: his new flat-screen television that was fifty-two inches, or something close to that. He shrugged, figuring it would be appropriate, and told them he kept his DVDs in his computer desk, which they both already knew anyway. He also told them that the remote was on the bed, and they could figure out how to work the system themselves. He was just about to go outside when Tori stopped him by reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I want to name your fish," Tori said, smiling a little smugly.

"Okay," Beck said back. "Shoot."

"Captain Katherine Obvious," Tori replied, sounding quite proud of herself. She took her hand off his shoulder and looked at the fish. "So now, Katherine _is _a captain. She's Captain Obvious. Ha! Now, come on, André, lets watch some movies." They go to invade his desk drawers while André was telling Tori that most beta fish are males and Tori just replied back, in a distressed voice, that this particular fish could have some identity issues. Beck stepped outside, but his actions weren't noticed. He guessed they assumed he would leave anyway. Which made sense, seeing as that's what he tried to do before the whole Captain Katherine Obvious naming thing.

He pulled his cell-phone from the pocket of his jacket and called Jade.

"Hey, girlfriend," he greeted.

"Hey, boyfriend," she greeted back, sounding pleasant-which meant that she wasn't as irritable as usual.

"Hey, I bought another fish. You know, since Finners died."

"But I told you I didn't _care _that Finners died," Jade moaned. "It was stupid fish, from its name to the fact that it was _pink_. I was _elated _when Finners died. I _loved _scooping his lifeless body from that tank."

"Oh, I think you'd like this new fish," Beck said, taking a seat on his porch steps. "It's a beta. You know, they like fighting other fish. _And _it's purple and black."

Jade laughed on the other end. "Okay, there has to be something you're not telling me."

Beck nonchalantly said back, "Tori named it."

Jade made a noise of disgust. "What stupid name did she come up with?"

"Captain Katherine Obvious," Beck replied, sounding amused. "So now Katherine _is _a captain. And it's a fish. Pretty funny, right?"

"That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard!" Jade said, somewhat spastically. Beck had expected this, which is why he wore a huge smile on his face.

"Is it worse than Finners?"

"Yes! Why did she have to ruin the most perfect fish to ever exist?" Jade complained on the other end.

"You're so cute when you're mad," Beck said, still with that air of nonchalance. It wasn't really why he ruined the fish; in fact, he didn't _mean _to ruin the fish. It just sort of happened that way. Really. He bought the fish with all intentions of pleasing Jade. But still. He could just imagine Jade scowling on the other end.

"I hate you and I hate Tori and I hate that stupid fish."

Beck's smile grew a little wider, as if that was possible. "Aw, that's so sweet of you, Jade. But look, I gotta go back inside and make sure André didn't wreck my television."

"André's over?" Jade asks, jealousy spiking her words. "Why wasn't I invited?"

"Because Tori is here, too, and we have no way to transport you over. Remember? I'm no longer in possession of my car?" Beck explained this to her.

Jade made another noise of disgust. "Ugh. I hate you, Beck Oliver."

"I hate you too, Jade West," he whispered, and then he hung up. He wiped the grin off his face and stood up, deposited the phone back in the pocket of his jacket, and stretched.

He went back inside to find André and Tori arguing over which movie to watch first: a romantic comedy or an action comedy. André was vouching for the romantic comedy, pointing out its stellar cast and excellent writers, while Tori was taking the action comedy's side, because it had a great director and had gotten great reviews.

"Both of those movies suck," Beck said, causing them to stop talking. "The one with great writers had a terrible director and the one that got good reviews had a stupid plot. So pick something else and I'll put the DVDs in a blender later."

"That sounds fun," Tori said, smiling and going back to look through the DVDs.

"Yeah, dude, I want to be there for that." André, too, went to look through movies. He and Tori eventually found just a plain-out comedy, and while André attempted to figure out how the DVD player worked, Beck asked Tori if her dad was really a cop.

"Yeah," Tori said, blinking. "Why?"

"Why? Because I would like my car back. Can you ask him to, you know, retrieve it?"

"Um, sure," Tori responded. "Just give me the license number."

André got the television to work, and was thoroughly enjoying watching the outdated coming attractions, proudly declaring which movies had sucked and which ones were worth the hype they got. Beck, meanwhile, moved to his desk and found an old receipt and wrote his license plate number on the back. He then handed the receipt over to Tori.

Tori turned it over, curious, and read the list of items. She then scrunched her nose in disgust. "Ugh, Beck, that was way too much information. Can you get another piece of paper or something?"

Beck took the receipt back and looked over it. Oh, well, he guessed that was a little bit too much information about his and Jade's preferences. He shrugged and looked for another piece of paper, and eventually found some old Hollywood Arts play's flyer and wrote the number on that instead.

"Thank you," Tori said, flashing a smile at him. Beck smiled back and shrugged again, and sat down to watch the movie with Tori and André.

It ended like this:

Three friends watched a good movie while a fish with identity issues swam in a small bowl nearby. (Beck never did get his car back, for the people who had stolen it wrecked it something fierce. But overall, he considered it to be a good day.)


End file.
